My Choices ©

This is one of those times when I feel like I've written something that needs no introduction. I just want you to absorb it and let me know what you think instead....

Sitting here
thinking back over my life
knowing only where I've been
and the good and bad of my choices
My Choices
Man, if only I could take some of them back
~or somehow press rewind
If only I took a different path so that I could still be in some spaces
~with him
The simple impact of everyday decisions
like, the blue dress or slacks
kiss him or not
say yes or no
All seem so harmless at the time
but those moments
like my memories
~still linger
And the impact of my choices
~still linger
echo
in the far reaches of my mind
The video of my past
flows
Each flash I see is
bittersweet
hurtful
good
I press my eyes shut
in hopes of stopping the replay
But the video continues
Is this what the end of life looks like?
Are you given a chair, and a large screen to watch your life?
I feel the magnitude of my choices
feel everything and every decision
I feel
when I've hurt someone
the countless guys that I've smiled at and given my number
and then ignored, was rude to, or gave a wrong number
or the ones that I ignored when I walked by
when just a simple hello was all that they needed
the ones I broke up with or refused to talk to or go out with
the ones I judged - incorrectly as not being worthy of my time
I feel their pain, the hurt I caused
The good and bad of my choices
My choices
The video continues
my life continues to flash
I feel my own personal pain
the pain of secrets I held inside from my youth
my innocence taken by a trusted adult
the shame of that moment forever seared in my memory
I feel the rejection of past loves
of being ignored, left behind for something or someone else
All of this speeds by me
flashes of pain and joy
All my life lessons
My Choices
All this roars past me across the screen
the end finally, comes... quietly
I sit and stare at the screen
and now tears of relief begin to flow
Because I realize this is not the end
I still have pages to fill and more characters to meet
I still have room to grow
But now, having seen this video comes a vibrant realization
my eyes have been opened
I still have choices!
I know I have to do better ~ be better
watch my choices
because it's not just about me
I may be the main character here, but I'm not alone
I recognize the impact of my daily decisions
I'll be kinder
More honest
thoughtful
~to myself, and others
I'll enjoy the moments and people given me ~ good and bad
I've been given a fresh start
~a clean slate
And it's up to me
to be whole, complete
It's up to me
to forgive myself and the past
It's up to me
to be first what I seek in others with me
I must demand better of myself and others
because I am worthy
I am worthy
My life begins and ends with me
I'm grateful for this self reflection
I know where I've been
but I also know I have a choice in where I'm going
I am thankful for having my eyes opened
My vision has been restored
I am restored in me
I am restored in love
I see.....