The Battle Belongs to....©

As I was getting dressed this morning, I decided to wear my white sneakers, which I discovered after a mad scramble were tucked under my bed. The first shoe was easy to retrieve, but somehow, I pushed the other shoe further back underneath the bed. I had to get a hanger, lay completely flat on the floor and then stretch to reach it. I wanted to give up and put on other shoes, but that would have probably created additional drama in terms of what I was actually wearing. So I battled with myself to reach the shoe and finally, I won.
That's how I used to be with love. I wanted it so dang gone bad,  I would fight and claw to keep it, holding to men who did not want to be with me for whatever reason. The frustrations and toxic things they said would fuel me even further to be nicer, to better, try to be more. I was hanging on by an emotional thread, trying to fight to stay in places I knew in my heart of hearts I didn't need to be. It would eventually become a battle I would not win - and then they were gone. And I was a wreck.  
My Mom used to always say pick your battles wisely. I don't think she meant it this way. lol  It makes sense to fight for things that have meaning and purpose; A promotion, a coveted spot in a competitive academic program, your life...But love? No. Love should never be hard. Challenging yes, but never hard.  
When that bell finally rang for me - when I cried my last few tears over yet another one gone - when I surrenderd and said I don't have the answers, but I have the heart and faith that things can be better.....that's when my life shifted. And I am forever changed.
Stop fighting love. Take a deep breath, let go and let whatever higher power you believe in, uplift you and trust that all is well.
You are an amazing being, well crafted and of high regard. Your self-worth can never be measured. You deserve to have things the way you want them. Shed the fear and doubt. Let go of that toxic relationship - NOW. If he or she hasn't changed, they are not going to - EVER. That's their right. But you don't have to settle for less. You are not less....


The battle rages on
I find myself dazed and confused
I want love so bad
I remember the beginning of you and I
There was so much energy between us
We were electric
We were amazing
The dates, the long phone calls, the passion, the dreams we shared
It was so very good
I didn't even notice when or how things changed
I was the same
But you were different somehow
It started with going out less
Then the calls became less
Then the passion became less
Then I became less
Less important
To who and what you were
I became less
The battle rages on
Now you seem irritated by simple things
Now fear lodged inside me
Then bubbled over and spilled out
I became desperate
Clinging 
Trying to hold on
To you 
To us
The battle rages on
Now I'm like a mother cub defending her babies 
I slide into irrational behavior
Clinging
I become a super detective
Searching your face, your phone - you - me
Trying to figure out what happened
The battle rages on
Now we point fingers at each other
When we used to hold hands
Now we argue with one another
When we used to be so cool
I don't recognize
Don't remember
How this all came to be
What happened?
What did I do?
How can I do to fix this?
Where did you go?
But they are just empty questions
Because when love that should be simple, becomes complicated
It is time to go
So quietly, without drama or fanfare
I gather my emotional belongings
Gather my dignity and understanding
Gather whatever physical things there are
Gather the pieces of me
And I walk away - I shut the door
As hard as this is, my life is worth more
There are no more battles left for me
I'm done
Game over
You are welcome to live your life as is
For now the battle belongs to...You....