Mirage

The flow of love....Sometimes, I have to be honest and confess that I still think of you. More often than anyone knows. Except me. When I close my eyes, there you are. Present. Real. In my mind, you are here. Still here, loving me. In my mind. When I close my eyes....

I close my eyes

And I can see, touch, feel you
Like a mirage, you only exist in my mind
Yet, here you are
It's like old times between us
Things are still the same
Same dazzling smile
Same soft brown eyes
Same soft lips
Things are still the same
The way your hand fits mine
The way you touch my hips
All these memories and more
Rush right back in like a flood
Flood me
Fuel me
Fill me
With you
Here you are
It's like yesterday, is today
The feel of you I've memorized
It plays like a familiar lullaby
Or jazz tune
A sweet, sweet tune
That I've heard time and time again
Our song
A love song
Here you are
My long lost love
For a moment, you are real
For a moment, you are still here
For a moment, you are still mine
For a moment, this is real
I close my eyes
And I can see, touch, feel you
In my mind, you are still here
Like a mirage.....

Foundation

Value; The thing we as women tend to lose sight of, while falling in love. If it comes down to a choice of holding on to him, or you - choose you. If he was meant to stay, he wouldn't be leaving. And if he's leaving, he wasn't meant to stay. Love is a partnership. Take the time to work on your portfolio for the right business man....

I keep pointing the finger at you
Because that's so much easier to do
But I can't be of value to you
Until I build a better me
Yet, I keep looking at you
Blaming you for all the bullshit
I play this endless song of pity
Of being the victim
"It's all his fault" I sing loud and clear
But it's not about you
It's just about me
There's only one reflection in the mirror
Just me, staring back at me
And when I point my finger
My finger's pointing straight back at me
Damn
I can't build you
If I don't build me
It's just an empty foundation
That will surely fall
I can't be of value to you
Until I build a better me
No more finger pointing
It's time to get down to business
It's time to work on me
Build my brand
Become a better woman
A strong business partner
So I attract the right man to do business with me
To be my life partner
I have to spend time investing in me
Build my assests
Of self esteem
Of self love
Of everything
And tear down the walls
Of self hatred
Of low worth
Of low level thinking
Build my foundation on cement, not sinking sand
Build a better me
Build a better woman
No more finger pointing at you
I own myself
And I'm choosing me
A strong me
A better me
I am building me.....

Maybe

I am really trying my best with this whole love thing, to finally, fully figure it all out. This game is a brutal one in my mind, and I'm way too old to keep getting out there and getting stomped on. I know the notion of kissing a bunch of frogs in order to find my prince and all, but this....the lying, cheating, craziness is well - crazy. Sometimes I sit quietly, and ask myself what is about me that attracts all this. It's not a valid question that can be answered, but when you've gone through a series of mishaps, you've got to ask.

In the end, I KNOW that it's not me; just bad luck or a bad frog; but sometimes I think maybe....

Maybe it's just me
Maybe I'm so messed up, that I don't realize
I don't see
I mean after all, the common denominator here
~Is me
Me and him
And him
And him
But always, it's me
So maybe - it is me
Me who has the problem with love
Perhaps I don't trust enough
Share enough
Care enough
Love enough
What?
I'm just seeking to understand
Seeking to change
To be a better woman
So I'll be the woman
For someone
Maybe I'm the one
Maybe it's time to point the finger at me
Not as a victim
See, this is just me trying to learn the lesson
And that lesson may be - me
Looking at me
Wanting to change
Taking a long, hard look in the mirror
Facing the jurors for a verdict
See, I really want to get this right
These questions surface because I want something different for my life
I don't want to keep coming back to this
Sorting yet again to try and figure out what went wrong
Constantly revisiting this space of emptiness
This is me wanting to be a better me
I have no hidden agenda
No story
Nothing
I am here completey open
I am stripped down
I am bare
Trying to learn the lesson
Trying to get to the next passage or level
I don't want to keep returning back to the beginning to start over
I need a better understanding
I need a revelation
I need to simply understand
And maybe
Just maybe, with that understanding
I'll find myself
New, improved, sharper, smarter
Yes maybe
In this open state I'll be able to move ahead
I will be lucky to find the necessary change
Maybe I'll find the secret code
And in that
I'll find me
I'll find me
I'll find authentic, sexy ass, beautiful Valerie
The one who will attract the right one
I can hope that right?
Maybe.....