Maybe

I am really trying my best with this whole love thing, to finally, fully figure it all out. This game is a brutal one in my mind, and I'm way too old to keep getting out there and getting stomped on. I know the notion of kissing a bunch of frogs in order to find my prince and all, but this....the lying, cheating, craziness is well - crazy. Sometimes I sit quietly, and ask myself what is about me that attracts all this. It's not a valid question that can be answered, but when you've gone through a series of mishaps, you've got to ask.

In the end, I KNOW that it's not me; just bad luck or a bad frog; but sometimes I think maybe....

Maybe it's just me
Maybe I'm so messed up, that I don't realize
I don't see
I mean after all, the common denominator here
~Is me
Me and him
And him
And him
But always, it's me
So maybe - it is me
Me who has the problem with love
Perhaps I don't trust enough
Share enough
Care enough
Love enough
What?
I'm just seeking to understand
Seeking to change
To be a better woman
So I'll be the woman
For someone
Maybe I'm the one
Maybe it's time to point the finger at me
Not as a victim
See, this is just me trying to learn the lesson
And that lesson may be - me
Looking at me
Wanting to change
Taking a long, hard look in the mirror
Facing the jurors for a verdict
See, I really want to get this right
These questions surface because I want something different for my life
I don't want to keep coming back to this
Sorting yet again to try and figure out what went wrong
Constantly revisiting this space of emptiness
This is me wanting to be a better me
I have no hidden agenda
No story
Nothing
I am here completey open
I am stripped down
I am bare
Trying to learn the lesson
Trying to get to the next passage or level
I don't want to keep returning back to the beginning to start over
I need a better understanding
I need a revelation
I need to simply understand
And maybe
Just maybe, with that understanding
I'll find myself
New, improved, sharper, smarter
Yes maybe
In this open state I'll be able to move ahead
I will be lucky to find the necessary change
Maybe I'll find the secret code
And in that
I'll find me
I'll find me
I'll find authentic, sexy ass, beautiful Valerie
The one who will attract the right one
I can hope that right?
Maybe.....