My Dream©

Next to reading, one of my favorite things to do is dream. I love both, because they expand my possibilities. Many great ideas have sprung forth from my dreams. There are many nights that I am sleeping, and a string of thoughts or an entire poem have come from my dreams. I find myself writing many of the things I dream about, because they are things that I want to attract to my life. A friend of mine asked me to write a deserve list. It's been very difficult for me to attain - or in some cases keep - certain successes in my life because I haven't always felt that I deserved it. By doing this list, it helps me to affirm the things that I want in my life - and most importantly, that I deserve to have in my life. I wrote "My Dream" long before I did a list, but it too defines the kind of man that I want in my life - again, that I deserve to have in my life.
What are you longing for in your life? Do you dream about anything? What are you doing to affirm what you want in your life? Do you feel you deserve it? You do deserve it. That is the thing you must know - you deserve it. And you deserve to have the love you want as well. It's not for just your friend or your brother, or your gorgeous co-worker who seems to always have a new man. You deserve it as well. Think about this as you read this poem, and then get out a sheet of paper and write your deserve list. Be bold about it, because guess what? You deserve it!


Closing my eyes
I dream about my prince charming
I dream of
strong arms to hold me tight
and shield me from the pain in this world
wonderful lips to kiss me passionately
and whisper endless love and life plans
a chest to lie on and ease my pain
shoulders to lift my spirits
skin like chocolate or caramel
a voice silky and confident
I'm dreaming of a man
a man's man
not a male
A man that I can dream with
cry and laugh with
a man I can love and trust
a man who gets me for who I am now, and who I will become
a man who can see past the worst of me, down to my spirit
a man who will stand his ground and cherish me
I'm dreaming of a man
I'm dreaming of you
of you
of you
I'm dreaming of you

Irresistible©

I love the Lakers, and I usually watch the pre-game show. Not for statistical information, or who will play tonight. Nope, I watch because Rick Fox was added to the show this season. I've had a crush on that man since his days at North Carolina. When he's on the screen I just sit grinning from ear to ear. He is what I call an irresistible man. I do the same thing with Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington. This list can go on and on, but you get the idea. He doesn't have to be a mega star though. I've found men in my everyday life who make me feel the same way. You know, they flash that super sexy smile of theirs, and you just go all gooey inside. Or they open their mouths and you have no idea what they said, you're too caught up in looking at them. Yep, irresistible...



He is...simply irresistible
A voice deep as the ocean
Skin rich as chocolate
Arms so strong and reassuring
And lips
so, so luscious
His kisses leave me breathless
Panting with desire
I try to resist - my mind says no
But my heart says yes
~yes to his invitation to love him
~yes to his desires to have me in his life
~yes to his protection from all the troubles of this world
~yes to his loving me forever
He is...simply irresistible
Sleepy, sultry eyes
that dance with a wicked twinkle
Hands that are soft to the touch
yet strong and expressive
His killer smile
always leaves me breathless
I try to resist - my mind says no
But my heart will always say yes
~yes I accept his invitation to love
~yes I desire him just as much
~yes I will allow him to be my protector
~yes I will love him forever
He is...simply irresistible
I am
haunted by him
I am
addicted to him
I
Love him.....

Pain©

I wrote "Pain" during a very difficult time in my life. It was a time when I was actually experiencing a very bad break up. I truly felt at that time that my heart had been broken in a million pieces, and I didn't think I would ever recover. It's still something I am healing from. It was actually this situation that sparked my writing in the first place. I had been crying and hurting for days. I would sit and stare out my window, or blankly watch television. Nothing seemed to help, until I decided to simply embrace what I was feeling, and put it into words. The words were what I was feeling. I did not sit and think about what I was going to say that day. I just let it pour from my heart. It truly felt like my heart was bleeding as I typed each line of the poem. So what you will read here is raw, but real.

A letter falls softly to the floor
It tells of a lover gone away
I watch the light flicker
And dance across my room
As I sit embraced by silence
This is my pain
I sit amongst the aftermath of another love war
A battle that I have lost
I am deeply wounded with cuts
Cuts that run so deep
Wounded by my lost love
This is my pain
The bleeding I can't control
The wounds are far too many
wounds from
anger and hurt
frustration and disappointments
This is my pain
With age comes wisdom
But with pain comes
~ pain
The blood flows from my heart
spills onto my skin
This is my pain
I left myself exposed to you
Exposed to the love I felt for you
I let down my guard for you
But love and loving was not enough
And now comes the pain
This is my pain
I wrap myself in it
Nest in a cocoon of it
Drink to feel the taste of it
Embrace it like a long lost friend
My blood now flows onto the floor
This is my pain
And now my tears began to fall
Washing over the whole of me
Washing the pain and blood from me
Working to renew and restore me
I feel revived
This
was
my
pain

Crush©

"Crush" is a piece I wrote early on in my writing experience. I didn't actually have a crush at the time. I had so many feelings running through me that day - fear that I would be alone all my life, frustration over another failed relationship, anger because I was hurting so much, longing and ache because I still loved him. It was so overwhelming. Have you ever been so overwhelmed by the emotions of a situation that you feel like they are going to consume you forever? If you're in a happy moment in your life, this will read as dramatic, but if you're going through it, this resonates does it not? Exactly. So I decided to allow myself to try and find words to capture what I was feeling - no matter how crazy it was. And on this day, I was sitting thinking about liking someone, but they don't know. And how it feels to long for that person, and you are invisible. They don't even know you - never glance your way. Oh I've had this experience. I was in the 7th grade; super skinny, glasses, acne. He was a confident, gorgeous 9th grader. He had an afro that never had a hair out of place, and great white teeth (I still love that in a man - the teeth, not the afro!) Everyone loved him. And so did I. I sat behind him in a music class, and would watch, mesmorized as he stepped into the class to take his seat. He only looked at me once, near the end of the semester. Just turned and smiled for a split second. I melted. That's what I was thinking about, when I wrote "Crush". Who was your secret crush?

I have a secret crush
he walks by me everyday
I
Smell the scent of him
it lingers long after he's gone
He
Does not know how
I watch his expressive hands
I
Long to feel his touch
wrap myself in his arns
He
Doesn't even see me
as I watch him everyday
I
Fail to say a single word
to reach out to him
He
Doesn't know
Doesn't know
I
Have a secret crush

Sensual Feelings©

I love the warm and fuzzy feelings that come from good love - and loving. How many times have you been so satisfied by love...you take a hot bath, rub yourself down in some essential oils, lay down on your bed, and let out a sigh as you think of him - or her. Your body still tingles after the wonderful connection shared between you and your lover. You almost want to purr....think of that sultry moment as you read this...

I am lost in my sensual feelings of you
as I lie on my bed naked, still damp from the sweat of you
I allow my thoughts to drift
the memory is as fresh as the scent of you that lingers on my skin
I trace my fingers across my body
across my full brown thighs, luscious belly, warm breasts, smooth shoulders
tracing the places your tongue explored
I am lost in my sensual feelings for you
I touch the lips you kissed, feel your warm breath on my neck
still warm from the kisses you left behind
I touch the space you just left
it is still warm from your body
I am lost in my sensual feelings for you
I am lost in you
mesmorized by your touch, your tongue, your love
I am found in you
hypnotized by your love
your sweetness
your manliness
you
I am lost in my sensual feelings for you...

Letting Go©

Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I realize that love does not always feel good. Sometimes, we have to deal with a little bit of pain. Okay, a lot of pain. But I embrace the dark days just as much as the lighter days, because as I've said before, there is a lesson in everything. When I was writing "Letting Go", I was listening to a girlfriend who was talking about the torture of getting a lost love out of her system. I thought about the many things I've done to purge myself of a lost love, and I realized that it's not an easy task. We resort to many things - getting back out there and dating right away, trying to reconcile with the person, drinking, crying, talking to friends. Some remedies are healthier than others. Crying to a friend is a bit better than eating a pint of ice cream. But sometimes, a pint of whatever just feels pretty darn good! That, or a plate of french fries. lol
The power in "Letting Go" is not in what you're doing, but in the end, feeling so empowered that you have let go. That you have mourned the loss and are now willing to move forward. Healing for each of us happens in it's own time and way. But just know that just as you feel bad, and it hurts, it will one day feel better....

One day it won't matter
the letters, pictures
saved messages
the memories
you won't want to pick up the phone and call him
or hold the phone close, waiting/hoping he'll call
all the hoping will be gone
this is the process of
Letting Go
One day, you'll stop the self pity
questioning the why, how and what
why did he leave
how could he leave
what could you have done differently?
one day you'll be able to look forward
you won't even check your rearview mirror
this is the process of
Letting Go
How do you turn that corner
and erase all the pain
the pain is the hardest thing
it lingers day and night
no amount of tears, or sleep or talking seems to help
but time, somehow diminishes it
and listening to your heart helps
this is the process of
Letting Go
And then one day, something happens
and he becomes a distant memory
a memory that doesn't hold feeling
and you smile again
and hope again
and quite possibly
love again
this is the process of
Letting Go
Go through the process of letting go
embrace it
be willing to learn the lesson
because it's in the learning
you will find your strength

Let go!
and know that you are strong
Let go!
Because there's nothing to be gained
by holding on
Let go!
Because there is better
you are better
this is the process of
Letting Go......

I Am©

My thinking as I wrote "I Am", was the complete submission to the man that I desire - no holds barred, stripped down, this is all me - love of another person. As I refine who I am, and who I desire in my life, I find that I am more about being completely honest with myself, and whoever I find myself involved with. I spent so much time in my life, trying to be perfect. But in one bright light bulb moment, exhausted from the weight and stress of it all, I realized that I'm not. I am who I am - mistakes and imperfections. In taking down that shield, I felt such a rush of relief. The fear had always been, if I showed someone who I really was, would they like me, or want to work with me, or even love me. I never considered the opposite thought - what if I showed who I am, and they did? Or better yet, why should it matter? If I am not liked or loved, it may be less to do with me, and more to do with that person.

Now that I look to live authentically, I hope that I will attract that as well. I am now free to be simply - me! "I Am" can almost be considered a pledge. As you read it, I want you to think about what you would be willing to pledge to your love....



I Am
all yours
I give of myself freely
unlock all my hidden desires
I willingly submit to your heart's fire

I Am
all yours
I've broken down the walls
that divide my love
Conquered all the demons that lurked inside
released all my treasures

I Am
all yours
Allow me to love you
see every part of you
let us hide nothing from one another
see me as I am

I Am
all yours
Let's share our love and loving
melt our hearts together
take my hands
choose to love me

I Am
all yours
Let us always affirm one another
confirm one another
be at peace with one another
let patience and wisdom be our guide

I Am
all yours
I'll take my time loving you
like a loving artist
I'm willing to grow and evolve
always open my heart and mind in order to live our love's story

I Am
all yours
And as father times passes
and our courtship is more defined
as our love begins to ripen
I pray
That one day
You are
All Mine