Crush©

"Crush" is a piece I wrote early on in my writing experience. I didn't actually have a crush at the time. I had so many feelings running through me that day - fear that I would be alone all my life, frustration over another failed relationship, anger because I was hurting so much, longing and ache because I still loved him. It was so overwhelming. Have you ever been so overwhelmed by the emotions of a situation that you feel like they are going to consume you forever? If you're in a happy moment in your life, this will read as dramatic, but if you're going through it, this resonates does it not? Exactly. So I decided to allow myself to try and find words to capture what I was feeling - no matter how crazy it was. And on this day, I was sitting thinking about liking someone, but they don't know. And how it feels to long for that person, and you are invisible. They don't even know you - never glance your way. Oh I've had this experience. I was in the 7th grade; super skinny, glasses, acne. He was a confident, gorgeous 9th grader. He had an afro that never had a hair out of place, and great white teeth (I still love that in a man - the teeth, not the afro!) Everyone loved him. And so did I. I sat behind him in a music class, and would watch, mesmorized as he stepped into the class to take his seat. He only looked at me once, near the end of the semester. Just turned and smiled for a split second. I melted. That's what I was thinking about, when I wrote "Crush". Who was your secret crush?

I have a secret crush
he walks by me everyday
I
Smell the scent of him
it lingers long after he's gone
He
Does not know how
I watch his expressive hands
I
Long to feel his touch
wrap myself in his arns
He
Doesn't even see me
as I watch him everyday
I
Fail to say a single word
to reach out to him
He
Doesn't know
Doesn't know
I
Have a secret crush