Dear Sister

Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open ~Alexander Graham Bell  ~ When one door of love opportunity ends, let it go. Too often, we want love so badly, that we hold on for dear life. Let go sister. You deserve better....V

Dear Sister,
This is an open letter to you
Of a tale we must all listen to...
There was this single woman I know, who possessed great beauty and brains
She went on many dates
There were some good ones
There were some bad ones
She prayed and prayed for change
She wanted the bad ones to go away
She wanted her Prince Charming
One day, she met a great guy
Smart, sexy, cute, a great job AND all those other winning attributes
Yep, he fulfilled a lot of things from her dream book
They had wonderful dialogue and chemisty
They exchanged numbers
And he called when he said he would
Their first date was electric
They laughed and talked liked reunited old friends
And during that conversation, he shared a truth
He wasn't interested in being serious
He had a few things he needed to do
His life wasn't yet complete
Be wanted to hang out, keep it light
"Is this okay with you", he replied, and flashed his dimpled, sexy smile
And she whispered "Sure, it's cool with me too"
They shared a passionate kiss
The chemistry flowed and flowed
And they settled down into a pattern
It felt like dating
Which she readily enjoyed
Instead of continuing to date others, to keep her search for Prince Charming going
She settled on this one
Why?
Because she felt SHE was the one
To make him change his mind
To make him want to settle down
To be his one and only
She worked overtime to blow his mind
Giving him - her body - great food - cool company - witty conversation
And all of her time - When he wanted any of the above
Of course it was all on his terms
This she didn't quite see
It felt so good to her, she knew he had to feel it too
On and on this went for sometime
But the story doesn't end riding off into the sunset
Eventually, the winds shifted
And he became less and less of how, who and what he was
Until slowly, there was no more
That he was interested in
The time had come for things to end
The more things unraveled, the harder she fought
To be better, do better
Accepting less and less
Hanging on for dear life
Why?
Because she knew SHE was the one
She could change his mind - if she just had more time to blow his mind
But she only had one body, time, soul and energy to give
And it just wasn't enough
For he had enough
He had told her the truth in the beginning
So long ago forgotten
And now she's left to sit at home
Alone ~ again
Wallowing in bitter tears
Why?
Because she wasn't the one
The sad thing about this whole story
The thing that she'll probably miss
If she took the time to be really honest with herself
He probably wasn't the one - for HER
Dear Sister,
We get so caught up in the man
So consumed by him and his needs
We forget about our plan, and what's important to fulfill our needs
We have dreams too - or at least we should
And a man who loves you, would care to know this about you
We get so caught up in the man
We lose sight of his character - lose sight of the good and bad
We lose sight of the truth
Which can only be revealed if we stop, look and really listen
Dear Sister,
You are a worthy prize!
Take your emotions out of the picture, and really analyze
This man that stands before you
Ask lots of questions - and listen for the answers
Compare them to what you want
Stop clinging to fantasies
It's time to get real
And if things don't add up
If he's not willing to meet you halfway
Dear Sister,
You have to be willing to let him go
Because honestly, the moral of this tale is
He's just another frog
He's not your Prince
Stop holding on out of fear
There are other doors of love opportunity
God has a better plan for you
Close this one....

Mirage

The flow of love....Sometimes, I have to be honest and confess that I still think of you. More often than anyone knows. Except me. When I close my eyes, there you are. Present. Real. In my mind, you are here. Still here, loving me. In my mind. When I close my eyes....

I close my eyes

And I can see, touch, feel you
Like a mirage, you only exist in my mind
Yet, here you are
It's like old times between us
Things are still the same
Same dazzling smile
Same soft brown eyes
Same soft lips
Things are still the same
The way your hand fits mine
The way you touch my hips
All these memories and more
Rush right back in like a flood
Flood me
Fuel me
Fill me
With you
Here you are
It's like yesterday, is today
The feel of you I've memorized
It plays like a familiar lullaby
Or jazz tune
A sweet, sweet tune
That I've heard time and time again
Our song
A love song
Here you are
My long lost love
For a moment, you are real
For a moment, you are still here
For a moment, you are still mine
For a moment, this is real
I close my eyes
And I can see, touch, feel you
In my mind, you are still here
Like a mirage.....

Foundation

Value; The thing we as women tend to lose sight of, while falling in love. If it comes down to a choice of holding on to him, or you - choose you. If he was meant to stay, he wouldn't be leaving. And if he's leaving, he wasn't meant to stay. Love is a partnership. Take the time to work on your portfolio for the right business man....

I keep pointing the finger at you
Because that's so much easier to do
But I can't be of value to you
Until I build a better me
Yet, I keep looking at you
Blaming you for all the bullshit
I play this endless song of pity
Of being the victim
"It's all his fault" I sing loud and clear
But it's not about you
It's just about me
There's only one reflection in the mirror
Just me, staring back at me
And when I point my finger
My finger's pointing straight back at me
Damn
I can't build you
If I don't build me
It's just an empty foundation
That will surely fall
I can't be of value to you
Until I build a better me
No more finger pointing
It's time to get down to business
It's time to work on me
Build my brand
Become a better woman
A strong business partner
So I attract the right man to do business with me
To be my life partner
I have to spend time investing in me
Build my assests
Of self esteem
Of self love
Of everything
And tear down the walls
Of self hatred
Of low worth
Of low level thinking
Build my foundation on cement, not sinking sand
Build a better me
Build a better woman
No more finger pointing at you
I own myself
And I'm choosing me
A strong me
A better me
I am building me.....

Maybe

I am really trying my best with this whole love thing, to finally, fully figure it all out. This game is a brutal one in my mind, and I'm way too old to keep getting out there and getting stomped on. I know the notion of kissing a bunch of frogs in order to find my prince and all, but this....the lying, cheating, craziness is well - crazy. Sometimes I sit quietly, and ask myself what is about me that attracts all this. It's not a valid question that can be answered, but when you've gone through a series of mishaps, you've got to ask.

In the end, I KNOW that it's not me; just bad luck or a bad frog; but sometimes I think maybe....

Maybe it's just me
Maybe I'm so messed up, that I don't realize
I don't see
I mean after all, the common denominator here
~Is me
Me and him
And him
And him
But always, it's me
So maybe - it is me
Me who has the problem with love
Perhaps I don't trust enough
Share enough
Care enough
Love enough
What?
I'm just seeking to understand
Seeking to change
To be a better woman
So I'll be the woman
For someone
Maybe I'm the one
Maybe it's time to point the finger at me
Not as a victim
See, this is just me trying to learn the lesson
And that lesson may be - me
Looking at me
Wanting to change
Taking a long, hard look in the mirror
Facing the jurors for a verdict
See, I really want to get this right
These questions surface because I want something different for my life
I don't want to keep coming back to this
Sorting yet again to try and figure out what went wrong
Constantly revisiting this space of emptiness
This is me wanting to be a better me
I have no hidden agenda
No story
Nothing
I am here completey open
I am stripped down
I am bare
Trying to learn the lesson
Trying to get to the next passage or level
I don't want to keep returning back to the beginning to start over
I need a better understanding
I need a revelation
I need to simply understand
And maybe
Just maybe, with that understanding
I'll find myself
New, improved, sharper, smarter
Yes maybe
In this open state I'll be able to move ahead
I will be lucky to find the necessary change
Maybe I'll find the secret code
And in that
I'll find me
I'll find me
I'll find authentic, sexy ass, beautiful Valerie
The one who will attract the right one
I can hope that right?
Maybe.....

A Rose by VLR

I watch you pass me by, we cross paths several times, up and down each aisle. You glance my way when you think I'm not looking, but you never say...hi...you never ask me my name. You just pass me by. Pass me by....

A beautiful garden, with flowers as far as the eye can see
A garden nurtured by gentle rains, warm sunshine and fresh air
A beautiful garden
That's where you'll find me
A single rose
Fragrant, delicate
Standing alone in a beautiful sea of flowers
There's nothing that makes me extraordinary
Nothing to mark me from the crowd - no fleck of unusual color
A single rose
Yet, when I am separated from the crowd - from that beautiful garden
When I'm surrounded only by my singlular beauty
My fragrance sings out loud
I can only be seen, by those willing to stop and take notice of me
For those willing to stop and pick me out of the crowd
Those willing, to stop and stay awhile
Otherwise, you'll never "see" me
You'll never know the full potential of me
You'll never know my beauty
Never will you fully appreciate me
You'll never know
If you pass me by
If you look at all the flowers
All you'll see are flowers
You'll never know what makes my scent special
You'll never know what makes me smile
Or cry
Or happy
You'll never know what makes me special
No, you'll admire the beauty of the garden, but you'll also pass me by
A single rose
Fragrant, delicate, beautiful
In a sea of other flowers
Standing alone

Love's Game

I've been gone for awhile. So many things have happened. Recently, I made a major decision and relocated to the east coast. I've been a Cali girl all my life, and wanted a change. I'm sure that this will expand my writings in ways that I could never imagine.

And with all this change, I had considered taking my blog down. It's not that I don't have anything to say, but more like, what do I want to say? Just as my life is headed in a new direction, pehaps it's simply time for a new direction here as well. I'll give it more thought, and perhaps make a formal format announcement for the New Year. Or maybe I'll simply continue in this same vein.....to be continued....

In the meantime, let's continue in the way I normally do things....

I Miss you
Miss the connection I feel for you
Miss our long talks late into the night
Miss the shared laughter
I feel you slowly slipping away
And there's nothing I can do or say
To change the vibe that's here
Because you don't belong to me
I am just your friend
That's the divide between us
Even though there's more between us
Unspoken, yet it clings to air
Love's Game
I have to watch as you grow closer to another
A thousand times inside I die
Because the you and I that I desire can never be
Because I can never be all that I feel for you
In your eyes, you don't see me
You don't see my love
You are not in love with me
Love's Game
You're not in love with me
And so I sit here
And try to act the same
I try
But it's not the same for me
Things for me shifted
I am in love with you
And you only love me
I'm your friend
Just
Your friend
Love's Game
So I lay here
Alone
Clinging to a pillow
Wishing it were you
While you are with someone else
This is my reality
The sum of all my realities
So I squeeze my pillow tight
And I let you go
This is not a fairy tale
I let you go
You are not prince charming
You are not going to come and rescue me
You are not going to walk on my job and sweep me off my feet
You are not going to ride up in a limo and take me away
You are not in love with me
This game is over
And sometimes in love's game, nice girls simply don't win

My Pen

So here I've been ~ in love; madly, deeply...I embraced it fully with trust and without thought. I did my homework, listening and asking all the right questions. I pulled open the blinds, the doors and windows to my life, and let him in.

And time passed, and it was good. And more time passed, and it was bad. Time passed, and here I was ~ in love...

And just as it appeared, it was gone. And I am left here, sitting with my pen in hand. My pen. The place I can go to without fear. The place I can shed the tears I feel falling like a torrential downpour in my heart. The place I can be real, instead of out there, looking and smelling good; smiling brightly; having a brave face. But the whole time inside, I cry.

My pen and paper are my refuge. The place where I can let it all out, without fear of opinion. And it is with this pen, I release, in order to survive. If I don't write it out, the pain I feel will suffocate me. I use this time to get honest and shed the hurt and pain. I get honest in order to reach outside of myself ~  to help myself. I reach out to help you.

Thank God for my pen.....


From my pen I pour out my feelings

All that I feel inside
Deep and far away from prying eyes
Unscripted, unfiltered. Raw. Real
From my pen I cry, sigh; say good-bye
From my pen I find the strength to continue moving forward
From my pen I find my courage
My pen reveals all that I sometimes refuse to see
My pen pulls back the facade; rips the curtains; shines a light
My pen reveals the truth
My pen reveals me
A thousand tears I've cried over and for you
A thousand times I've said I love you
A thousand times I've forgiven you
A thousand times
A thousand times
My pen flows
My pen shows
A thousand times will be no more
A thousand times
A thousand times
No more
From my pen I release you