My Life Before My Life © by VLR

It's been awhile. I've been focusing on completing my book, but my thoughts have never strayed to far from here. From you. The holidays are upon us and it's such a bittersweet time. I miss many things, but instead of thinking about lack, I take a moment each day to focus on the abundance of things I do have....
Love steps to us in many ways. Sometimes, it's so unexpected that it catches you off guard. In truth though, the package that it comes in - or that it comes at all - may be unexpected, but if you are truly preparing yourself for love, it's always right on time and expected. And when it's good love, true love built especially for you, it's as if everything you've experienced prior has no meaning. Only the here and now matter.....

What of my life before you?
It's as if there was nothing prior
Because all I feel is you and these moments we share
All I feel is you
My life feels complete somehow now
Perhaps everything before now
Was for now
That I was being readied for just this time
When I would meet you
Unexpectedly
You feel - familiar, safe and good for me
You feel like you belong
~In my life
~In my heart
And yet, I don't really know you
But it feels like I do
It's as if our souls know one another
And now our flesh is set to confirm what has already been confirmed in another realm
The spiritual realm
Strange
How I miss your physical presence
And I haven't experienced your physical presence
I miss you from the moment we hang up, until the time we connect yet again
My body yearns for you
I want to practice making babies with you
I want to grow old and live out my future with you!
How is it I miss someone I don't fully know?
Yet somehow, I know you
My spirit knows your spirit
What of my life before you?
There wasn't anything prior
Not like the love I have for you at this moment in time
I suppose that question really doesn't matter
Because for once, I'm going to get outside my head and allow my heart center stage
I'm not going to think this too far through
But trust my instincts and allow myself to take this walk with you
I'm going to follow what my spirit is affirming for me
I'm going to let go and drop off into the abyss of love
And allow myself to fall completely in love with you
My life before you was just a dress rehearsal
The real thing has stepped in unexpectedly
Yet my spirit expected it
I am ready
Ready for your love
For you are the life I freely choose to live now
And nothing else matters but you....

Raindrops© by VLR

It's raining here in Southern California. I absolutely love the rain. It stirs up the romantic side of me always. I love to lie in the bed and watch the rain as it falls. Sometimes I'll ignore my umbrella and allow the rain to fall against my skin and face. Rain is cleansing. As I watched it pour down today, this piece manifested. If it's not raining where you are as you read this, imagine that it is and enjoy....

We share a candlelight dinner
Just the two of us
Soft music ~ jazz, fills the room
Rain falls softly against the window
Roses of every hue surround us
We sit staring at each other across the table
The flicker of the light dances in your eyes
I blush and drop my head briefly
A curl brushes across my forehead and you reach and push it back
Your touch - so gentle, sends a chill up my spine
I flash my mega-watt smile and touch your arm
We touch finger tips and hold hands
The music changes and we get up to slow dance
You encircle me and I melt into your body
You brush my brown locks aside and kiss my neck softly
Your touch to me is electrifying ~ you set off all my senses
I close my eyes to take it all in
Is that the rain or my heartbeat? I can't tell
What you do to me, you'll never really know
I feel lost in you
Now our lips meet
Are we dancing to music or rain or my heartbeat?
You pause only to look at me, express words of love to me
Hearts racing, we pause to look out at the rain
It is pouring outside, as our love and desire pour inside
Your hands reach for me again, exploring every part of me
Pressed against the window, I receive the coolness of the weather
along with the warmth of your body and kisses
I can feel your desire pressing against me
Your fingers dip to taste of my flowing desire
A wicked smile crosses your face
Lightening fills the sky, but all I can feel is what you are doing to me
We pour out our passion right there against the window
The rain now beats intensely against the window, as we ride our wave of love
And as the rain settles, you hold me close
Kissing me, loving me ~ having made love to me
Your confessions of love fall like sparkling raindrops so fresh and new
My love for you rises like a rainbow
Bright
Rare
Only for you
My love for you is endless....

My Choices ©

This is one of those times when I feel like I've written something that needs no introduction. I just want you to absorb it and let me know what you think instead....

Sitting here
thinking back over my life
knowing only where I've been
and the good and bad of my choices
My Choices
Man, if only I could take some of them back
~or somehow press rewind
If only I took a different path so that I could still be in some spaces
~with him
The simple impact of everyday decisions
like, the blue dress or slacks
kiss him or not
say yes or no
All seem so harmless at the time
but those moments
like my memories
~still linger
And the impact of my choices
~still linger
echo
in the far reaches of my mind
The video of my past
flows
Each flash I see is
bittersweet
hurtful
good
I press my eyes shut
in hopes of stopping the replay
But the video continues
Is this what the end of life looks like?
Are you given a chair, and a large screen to watch your life?
I feel the magnitude of my choices
feel everything and every decision
I feel
when I've hurt someone
the countless guys that I've smiled at and given my number
and then ignored, was rude to, or gave a wrong number
or the ones that I ignored when I walked by
when just a simple hello was all that they needed
the ones I broke up with or refused to talk to or go out with
the ones I judged - incorrectly as not being worthy of my time
I feel their pain, the hurt I caused
The good and bad of my choices
My choices
The video continues
my life continues to flash
I feel my own personal pain
the pain of secrets I held inside from my youth
my innocence taken by a trusted adult
the shame of that moment forever seared in my memory
I feel the rejection of past loves
of being ignored, left behind for something or someone else
All of this speeds by me
flashes of pain and joy
All my life lessons
My Choices
All this roars past me across the screen
the end finally, comes... quietly
I sit and stare at the screen
and now tears of relief begin to flow
Because I realize this is not the end
I still have pages to fill and more characters to meet
I still have room to grow
But now, having seen this video comes a vibrant realization
my eyes have been opened
I still have choices!
I know I have to do better ~ be better
watch my choices
because it's not just about me
I may be the main character here, but I'm not alone
I recognize the impact of my daily decisions
I'll be kinder
More honest
thoughtful
~to myself, and others
I'll enjoy the moments and people given me ~ good and bad
I've been given a fresh start
~a clean slate
And it's up to me
to be whole, complete
It's up to me
to forgive myself and the past
It's up to me
to be first what I seek in others with me
I must demand better of myself and others
because I am worthy
I am worthy
My life begins and ends with me
I'm grateful for this self reflection
I know where I've been
but I also know I have a choice in where I'm going
I am thankful for having my eyes opened
My vision has been restored
I am restored in me
I am restored in love
I see.....

I Can't Wait©

I never know where my writing will take me along Love's Journey. Lately, I've been writing wedding vows, which is mind blowing to me because I'm not in a relationship at this moment. But as a living vessel, I receive - and write whatever comes to me. I've written several pieces that speak to the notion of being excited about love. There are so many ways to define love, but I love the thought of it being so exciting and heart pounding. I could say so many more things here, but I'm going to shut up and let the piece speak instead....

I can't wait
to fall asleep with you at my side
to wake up
feel the sunrise and you
I promise to be a help mate
neither behind you or too far ahead
I promise not to allow things to fester and boil over in my heart
I'll instead search my heart for a calm state, and work with you to address issues
I promise to establish loving rituals with you
to look at each day despite the pain and anger that can and will arise,
as a day to find at least one thing to thank you for
I promise to work with you even as I continue to grow
as you continue to grow
As I stand here before you
I can't wait
to end my "I"
and add myself to a team
A team of a network of wonderful family and friends
and most of all our heavenly father
the primary team leader
Let us remember this moment
~this day
Because when the storms come
and surely they will
We'll be able to sustain
We'll remember this day, and whisper I love you ~ still
Let all who sit with us here
circle their love around us
to provide a protective shield
Let our heavenly father guide us always
Yes, here we are
hand in hand
I know as I look in your eyes
I so truly, deeply love you
I can't wait
to fall asleep tonight
in your loving arms
as your one and only
your beautiful wife

The End©

As I go along on this love journey, I realize that the ups and downs will always be there, no matter what happens. There are always lessons to be learned, memories to get rid of, memories to hold on to, and the list goes on and on. When I first started writing, I thought I would just be dealing with one aspect of love; Pain and it's aftermath. But I realize in writing that love is not definitive - starting here and ending or continuing there. It forms a circle that has no beginning or end. The feelings you may have for a person who has left your life, linger. They leave a fingerprint that is never erased. You move on, but it's still there.

In this circle called love, you are in different phases, different aspects of the circle, but it's still a circle. So as I was writing this poem, even as I got to the end and said the end, I recognize that this was just an ending to one cycle; one chapter. There are plenty of other adventures awaiting me. And the circle continues, just as I do.....




When does it end?
The feeling of loving you
missing you?
It's like an addiction or lingering illness
just when I think I'm done with
~the missing of you
~and the loving of you
A memory starts the cycle for me all over again
~a song
~your cologne
~a flash of memory
I notice that the feeling of needing you
the desire to want you back in my life
starts to dim a bit more
each time I revisit this space
But the other things - feelings and emotions
still press my mind and heart
As I sit and pour out my heart and pain
across pages and pages
crying and writing for what seems like forever
I wonder what do you do to cope
or is it just simply over for you?
Is it harder or easier for men?
I can only see and feel this pain through my lens
Is this feeling universal?
The majority of me knows this break-up was for the best
for both of us
There was way too much pain and drama
that crossed between you and I
pain that eclipsed whatever joy there was
it drained what little air there was between us
left us dry and wanting
I never want to revisit that
I never want to take that path - with you or anyone ever again
But like an addiction
The minority of me
~craves the good times we managed to have
~craves you
somehow, those memories are what I go to first
Which is pure craziness
So here I go again
pen pressed firmly in my hand
writing
which is far better than the phone
~calling you - just to say hi
~texting you - just to check on you
No, these are the lonelies
the things you do to ease the cravings and insanity
just to get by
I choose to cure my disease, fight the addiction
by writing it out
Yes, I have called you - emailed and sent texts
Yes, I have taken your calls and emails and texts
But I'm noticing the craving to do so is starting to dim
as I do the things to help me cure
acknowledge the pain
affirm my love for me
unpack the burden of whatever is holding me captive
and most of all, get back out there again eventually
When does it end?
I suppose I'll always love you
But missing you?
that must truly end
The way you and I did
I'm bound and determined
the end is near
and my minority will not win
to this craving I will not continue to give in
My strength lies in getting beyond this
this is the end......

Energy©

Being in love sometimes feesl so...powerless, like you've walked to the edge of a cliff and were pushed off. As I was writing this piece, I was thinking of being in love with someone, and the energy and great vibe you feel from that person. As adults, we question this energy - is it real, will it last - because we bring our past experiences in to this situation and ask far too many questions. But when you are younger, you just go for it, because you allow yourself to simply be in the moment. I want to think less and feel more in my relationships.....


I love the energy of you
It makes me dizzy with anticipation
my pulse quickens
throat dries
palms become sweaty
Is this just the giddy stage
or will you always make me feel this way?
Each time I see you
the feelings become richer
I feel the calm essence of you
but over the top of it
I feel you

And all the energy you have locked inside
waiting, wanting
for just the right woman
am I the one?
I want to be
but I dare not ask
it's easier just to absorb waht vibrates from you
and that alone is powerful enough
it beckons me to be greater
stretch further
aim higher
dream bigger
I just have to learn the rythm of you
to harvest the energy of you
so that it manifests in time with me
Each time I connect with you
I'm drawn further in
as if a spell has been cast
The power of what I'm feeling scares me
It's like I'm falling off a cliff
and trusting that there is a safety net - you
there to catch me
will you be there?
Perhaps I'm just thinking this too far through
trying to sort things and figure out the me and you
I am sitting on the fence of emotions
on one side there's my future
which I cannot see
and I don't know if you exist in it with me
on the other side is my past
where I compare you with my other life experiences
But I know I have to come down from the fence
because here you are
in my present
I need to learn how to stand in the moment
this moment
with you
Not looking backwards, where there exists my troubled past
Not peeking forward, where I'm trying to predict my past
All I can do is enjoy the energy of you
the spirit of you
All I can do is let go, and be
No matter how long or short
and allow the butterflies, sweaty palms and racing heart
for you
are my right now
And I love the energy of you....

By Faith©

This writing was triggered by a girlfriend and I talking about our lives, and how differently we imagined them to be as compared to what they had become. Sometimes I feel my life's path is so far off the beaten trail that I don't recognize where I was before now. Life is strange right? And if someone had told me 5, 10 or 20 years ago that my life would be what it is now, I would not have believed them. My temper was so hot 20 years ago I probably would have taken a punch at them! lol But while the journey looks different, I relish who and where I am at this moment......

Wow
I look at my life
This isn't the way I saw my life
I saw it so very differently
I had many other plans
But God saw differently too
and he changed my life's course
So now I'm stepping out
Moving along on an unfamiliar path
Reaching out as far as I can see
and allowing my faith to take me the rest of the way
The first step was so hard
but God granted me courage to continue forward
And no matter how much
I doubt
or question
or fear creeps in
Even when things don't feel right
By faith
God helps me to keep moving forward
By faith
God helps make a way for me even in troubled times
By faith
Although my life is different
I'm still here!
Still happy!
Still complete!
By faith
I'll trust that this life is better
For I am better
By faith
I'll keep going along on this journey
because I humbly, prayerfully know who guides me
and his belief in me never falters
By faith
My life is in his hands.....

My Victory©

The process of getting over someone can be long and grueling. Just when you think you're okay, something will trigger a thought and awash you in the emotions again...the smell of his cologne, her favorite movie or song. When you are down in that valley, it seems like you are never going to come up and out. But I'm here to share with you that you will. That's what this poem is about. The recovery process.....


On the other side
is my victory
The victory of getting over you
You were my center; my joy
My world was completely all about you
You had my nose wide open
heart even wider
I gave you everything
stripped myself bare so that you could see ME
~ the good and the bad
I thought this was it
that you were the one
I was in paradise
But that was shattered in just one day
one moment
When you wrote a fateful letter
chose to end things with written word
It wasn't a huge shock that it happened really
we had drama between us for awhile
It was a shock that you made that choice
the choice to end things so abruptly
with no dialogue or debate
It shattered my being
I wasn't prepared for this
a life without you
a life without us
So I grieved
mourned
felt the loss so deeply
I walked through the valley of darkness
alone, but with friends
hurt, but with hope
I felt like Moses
walking through the dry, lifeless land of pain
Lost with only a single compass
A blue or black pen
or sometimes my keyboard
Writing was my guiding light
which shown over the horizon
So very tiny at first
Now I stand
My Victory
on the other side
~glorious
~joyous
~victorious
My pen, saved me
Love from friends, saved me
Affirming my life, saved me
Spending time with me, saved me
Crying out loud or silently, saved me
Getting angry then letting it go, saved me
Asking for and giving forgiveness in letters, saved me
Allowing myself to embrace the fear of being alone, saved me
and now
I'm on the other side!
My Victory
the wonderful land of victory
And I know
Love is on this side
~it's on this side
~it's on the inside - of me
Like Dorothy, this victory was always there
But it took the journey to get me here
My yellow brick road, had no scarecrow, tin man or lion - it was just me
But it took my heart, brains and courage to get me to where I needed to be
I am victorious!
And so are you
Take my hand, it's time for you to come to the other side too
Your Victory
Love is on this side!
~it's on this side
~it's on the inside - of me AND you.....

Late at Night©

I do my best thinking - and writing in the middle of the night. I was feeling restless one night, and all of a sudden, I was overwhelmed with saddness, and tears started to flow. The words "Late at Night" kept resonating with me, and I felt compelled to get up and write. For whatever reason, I am in the space of feeling lonely right now, and my writings are reflecting that. I know that it's a process, and I'm just going to feel it and work my way through. Enjoy....

Late at night
that's when I feel you most
Here I am, missing someone I don't even know
But I know you are out there
missing me too
I am surprised by the tears
that slide down my face
and softly fall to my pillow
Tears of pain, sorrow
Tears of joy, hope
Sorrow that you are not by my side
right now
Hope that you will be here
soon
I rise from my bed to record these thoughts
I write with one hand
wipe my tears with the other
Late at Night
This is when I feel you most
the unknown you
my love
I cannot see your face
but I know your smile
I have not felt your touch
but I know your passion
I have not seen you
but I feel you
Late at Night
Will you always be
my sweetest dream?
my fantasy?
Will I ever get to feel
your arms
your kiss
You?
I long to know
But for now
I place these words upon this page
and lay back down to silently pray
And as I close my eyes against the darkness of my room
wrapping myself in my loneliness
I hold my pillow tight
and I think
I wish
I long for
You......

Love Lead Me to You©

I have so many things on my heart. It's where I think from, breathe from - write from. Sometimes I am so full emotionally. Where I am in a moment, there is my pen. And I willingly share it.
I was talking to a friend the other day, and he painted such a beautiful picture of his love. At the end of our conversation, I was so inspired by it, that I wrote this piece....

Love lead me to you
to the vibration of you
Before
We were two souls floundering
wandering about our days
Always hoping
as we arose
and drifted off to sleep
that one day
we would be ready
ready for each other
that one day, we would meet
I longed for you
Prayed for you
Dreamed of you
Long before
there was you
And now you're here
Love lead me to you
Through all my pain and heartaches
you were there
Through break up after break up
you were there
All this pain and joy
All this crazy journey
groomed me for you
When I was sad and lonely
losing all sense of hope
There you were
Love lead me to you
When you were alone and afraid
I was there
When you cried countless, silent tears
I was there
When you prayed and prayed for the one
when you lost all hope - had given up
There I was
Love lead me to you
Baby, let's take each moment we have
Savor each moment we share
hold on tight and never let go
And as we walk this road together
our road together
side by side off into the sunset
Let us each be so thankful
For God is love
And his love lead me to you.....

How I Feel©

I write as often as I do, as part of my cleansing process. I don't know what my words may mean to you the reader, but for me, they are a way to cut away all the superficial and deal with the real. These words are me - good and bad. And with this outpouring - as part of cleansing, I feel it's important to me to apologize for my past. Maybe not directly to the person, but at least symbolically. It's not even about what they did, or what I did or even how bad it was. I just feel like if I can apologize, I can get rid of the hurt or anger or dispppointment, and move on. I always want to feel like I'm evolving. And when you are mired in self pity, anger and all that bullshit, you are missing the bigger picture: Your life has so much value. You are worth more than this moment that you are feeling. You love the hell out of him or her, and I get that. I do too. But guess what? They are gone, and you are here and there is more. If I haven't said it here already, there is a difference between love and your self respect. When those lines are crossed, you've got some changing - and maybe some leaving to do. You should be able to love someone AND respect yourself. And when you don't....just something to help you think. When you're in it, you don't think so well. This is just how I feel....

You feel me - feel the pain I hide?
It's buried way down deep inside
I'm afraid to face it
afraid of what I might find
A maze of memories flood me
I remember it all
This is how I feel
And I feel it all
What I said to you
the hurt I caused
I'm so sorry
but my apology rings hollow
because it's too late
This is how I feel
And I feel it all
What you said to me
the hurt you caused
It's too late
the words now can only pour from my pen
words that clanged around in my head
now drop to paper
This is how I feel
And I feel it all
Words
there are thousands of them
scattered around
all the words that were said between us
from the beginning ~ when it was so damn good
loving words
to the end ~ when it was so damn bad
the hate, indifference, silence
Words that if said differently
or not at all
We would be different
We would still be
~maybe
But that's not possible
not anymore
This is just how I feel
And I feel it all
So we're left with memories
and pain
Pain that I feel so deeply
because you are not here
because I am not there
The hands of time cannot be moved backward
it is what it is
And no matter how I feel right at this moment
you are not here
and I am not there
I wish....
This is how I feel
And I feel it all

My Heart©

When I write here, I often wonder if there's anyone out there - is this truly worth doing - and most importantly, why do I do this? A blog is a lonely place. But I decided to put myself and my poetic thoughts out there. When I write, I'll sometimes go days without writing anything, and then there will be days when I write poem after poem. There are so many that I have yet to post here. Each time I think I'm done, I'm full again and must pour it out on paper.
Last week, as I was working on another piece, I realized that I was meant to do this. I thought initially, that this was only a form of cleansing for me, and it has been, but I realized that I am here to stand in the gap for someone else out there who needs this - needs to see my joy, pain, longing - all of it. And from that realization, this poem was created....

Listening carefully
to the rythm of my heart
it beats so powerfully
I press my hand to it as my pen flows
I embrace what I'm feeling
I move to press my hand to my head now to supress
the tears that lurk inside
force a smile and remember a better time
because I need to write
I am lonely
I feel it so deeply in my heart
My spirit ~ my soul wasn't designed for this
I am meant to love
to be loved
loving
loved on
But there's a reason for this, and every stage in my journey
And so I write
I write to quell the pain
I write to dream
I write to cleanse
to feel the void
to ease the pain I feel inside
to share the joy
I feel so free when I'm here
~pen in hand
~blank pages of paper ahead of me
My heart beats truer - stronger
the vibrations of my heart
my spirit
flow like the blue ink
that fill page upon page
What my heart feels
my pen reveals
I strip bare
stand naked
show everything
And each time I'm here
I ask myself why
Why was I blessed with this gift?
Why do I spill my heart in this way?
show all my insides?
raw, unfiltered
no chasers here
I am what I am and this is what it is
I ask why
And as I write, the spirit says
You write to stand in the gap
for someone else's pain
for someone else's joy
for someone else's longing
You are their lifeline
I am an open vessel
I hold no secrets inside
My heart is stripped bare
Listening carefully
to the rythm of my beating heart
I am here
open
Take what you need
there's more inside....

Bitterness©

Childhood memories. I'm always amazed at the little things we remember from long ago. I can remember very early in my life when my Mom used to say all men are no good. It was like a mantra for many years. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I always tried to tune it out. I've had many friends share a similar lament. But I've always maintained hope. Even during bad times, when I've encountered lying and cheating lovers, I've always managed to work to continue to keep my hope. And for one very good reason - I don't want to be that woman - the Bitter Woman. We've seen her. Seriously, maybe you've even been her. She has a chip on her shoulder and appears to be angry at the world. She's been hurt by a man or many men. And with each jaded experience, she adds yet another rock to her bag. And her bag is heavy. It casts a cloud over her entire being. It follows her in everything she does. She can't enjoy a new man or experience because she's convinced that this one will only end up like the last, and maybe even worse. She wouldn't - couldn't recognize a good man because she's been so harmed by others in her past. Her eyes, heart and sense of judgement are all lost. She finds no enjoyment in anything. Pain is her bestfriend. But there's a reason that she's bitter, and whether it's right or wrong, she's still someone who deserves love - needs and wants love. Truly she does. I don't want to ever be that woman.....

I don't want to be that woman
I've seen her many times
we've all seen her around
scowling across a crowded room
frowning at every man that passes by
angry at the world
She's Bitter
Over lost loves
frustrations
bad dates
Men who say they love her
but really don't
who don't show or call
aren't people of their word
lying
cheating
just being human with all their flaws
All they do is take
Her body, her love, money, her time
Things that seem so small ~ to him
But are actually treasures ~ to her
They didn't see
Or maybe, they just didn't care
It wears her down
Like water drifting across a rock
The rock intially stands tall, sure
But over time
It's worn thin by the water
Bit by tiny bit
Like the fragments of her heart
Each piece that they take
So, so small
But it's still a piece
She's bitter
Most people turn in the other direction
don't want to be taken in by all the pain and anger
But look closely
Look deep into her eyes
~ There
You can see the pain
The pain she chooses to hide
She shields it with
Anger
Bitterness
Hurt
Fear
When you see her
Don't ignore her
Step to her, and get to know her
There's a beautiful woman locked way down deep inside
Trapped
By all the pain
But your love can heal it all
It's possible
If you're willing to give it a try
But for me
I will always try to remain hopeful
Because I don't want to be that woman
Bitter
Just a ghost of love's pain
Caught up in love's past....

Looking Back©

Hindsight: n. ability to see, after the event, what should have been done: opposed to foresight: n. thoughtful regard or provision for the future......

I wish I could change things
but I can't rewrite history
If only I was granted a future glimpse in a relationship
Maybe then I could avoid being haunted by the what if's
Looking Back
What if
I had been less of who I thought I should be
who I thought you wanted - needed me to be
and more of who I actually was
What if
I just loved you more
and been less concerned about thinking about loving you
Looking Back
But I can't rewrite history
or turn back the pages of time
But I can learn the lesson
What if
I said - Baby I'm sorry ~ more
And insisted on proving you wrong ~ less
Looking Back
A future's glance was all I needed
to see how much love and loving you
mean
And how little the things
mean
I would do things so very differently
Looking back
But all I have is the here and now
I can only write new history
I have learned the lesson
And I know
Even in this bittersweet moment
The joy and pain of
Looking back.......

Why©

Sometimes, I am so perplexed by love and the loving of someone. It's puzzling to try and figure why something that feels so right can then so suddenly go wrong. There are no signs. Nothing to indicate things are wrong. It just suddenly just - ends....what do you do? You're left with one burning question...Why?

The questions still linger
long after you have departed
I need to understand
need to know
Why?
Why did we share funny stories
hang out and have fun
why did you kiss me so tenderly
hold my hand as if
~as if you loved me
Why?
Then, just as suddenly as you breezed in to my life
and made things so right
You were - gone....
No phone call or message
No good-bye
You were just - gone....
Why?
I'm still puzzled
left second guessing
left with the questions
~haunted
Why?
Was it something I said
Or did or didn't do
The questions still hang in the air
long after you have departed
I just can't seem to understand
all I'm left with are the questions
~haunted
Why?
You leave a path of emotional destruction
When you leave me in this way
I know it takes a lot of courage
to look someone square in the eyes
say it's over
then turn and walk away
But you leave a mark no matter
how much you don't want to face the facts
it's easier to run away from all the questions
it's easier to hide
Why?
All that's left now are the bittersweet memories
of the days of you and I
days I'll think about for awhile
close my eyes and share a smile
But just as good as those memories are for me
there are also the memories of what you failed to do
All you had to do was say it's over
put an end to me and you
All I have left are questions
unanswered questions
that I don't understand
~haunted
by what was and could have been
And all I can do is sigh and ask
Why?

It's the Fear©

Usually, my writings stem from a word or words, and/or an emotion. Whatever the thought process is that triggers the writing, I simply allow my fingers to be used as a vessel for the thoughts to flow. The word fear has been resonating with me for a few days now. and I finally decided sit down and see where my written path takes me. I think this poem needs very little introduction other than to say what fear are you holding on to and hiding behind in your life?

It's the fear
the fear of being alone
the fear of never finding "the one"
that keeps us paralyzed in place
keeps us in places we should not be
~hiding
living a life far less powerful
living in darkness
living a lie
It's the fear
that keeps the clock ticking
while we watch our lives disappear
living in saddness
while we smile and hide the tears
the lie festers and bubbles
we wear the mask everyday
~hiding
living in darkness
living a lie
It's the fear
who are you protecting?
yourself?
your image?
what good is the lie?
the longer you suffer in silence
the deeper your love starts to slide
you are hiding
living in darkness
living a lie
It's the fear
take a chance and peel back the mask
step forward out of the darkness
be willing to shed the lie
Stop the fear!
even if it means living alone
aren't you living that way anyway?
~honestly
look honestly in the mirror
the truth is etched on your face
locked deeply in your heart
Stop the fear!
it's so warm out here
it feels good to reside in truth
there are others!
living the way you can only dream about
it you continue the lie
you'll never get the chance to shout it out
~I'm not afraid!
~I have no fear!
~I love myself!
It's the fear
Stop the fear
It isn't real
Face the fear........

Hold Me Tight©

The strength of a hug is amazing. When you are wrapped in someone's arms that you love, you feel so protected, as if nothing can go wrong. That's the one thing I miss about my Mom - I absolutely loved her hugs. There is nothing like the power of human touching human......

Hold me tight
never let me go
I want to feel your arms around me forever
encircle me with your love
protect me from all
~ seen and unseen
Hold me tight
My soul aches for you
my body yearns for you
Press your lips to mine
breathe me
feel my very essence
Hold me tight
Never, ever let me go
caress me softly
whisper sweet nothings in my ear
whisper promises of forever in my ear
Baby, please
Hold me tight
Squeeze out all the doubts
the fears
Let me rest on your chest
ease my loneliness
sync my heart with yours
Hold me tight
Never, ever let me go
Keep your arms around me
forever
forever
forever
Oh how I love you so

Two Steps Forward©

The mysteries of love. The ups and downs of love. It dazzles and frazzles me. And just when I think I have it all figured out in my mind, in my heart - something new comes along to knock me off my feet or kick me in the stomach.
Have you ever done something so silly, so crazy while going through the phases of healing from a break-up that you too ashamed to tell even your bestfriend? Driven by his house to see if he's home - and alone, replayed an old message that she left when things were good. When she would tell you how much she loved you. Reading old letters or cards, staring and crying at pictures. Sleeping in a t-shirt he left behind because it still smells like him. Dialing the first part of her number and then hanging up.
The things we do in the name of love...the end of love....

Two Steps Forward

I did it again, took
Two Steps Forward
and one back
He's like a drug to me
and I can't control myself
looking at old pictures
listening to old messages
Two Steps Forward
and one back
Finding a reason to call
enjoying things we used to do together
dreaming about him
her
Two Steps Forward
and one back
Sitting at home, staring at the walls
for hours and hours
thinking about an ex
an ex!
staring at the phone, willing it to ring
Two Steps Forward
and one back
I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster
up one day with joy, happy he's gone
down yet another day, hoping he returns
like an addict, the withdrawal pains are intense
Two Steps Forward
and one back
There should be a group for this
or a great blue pill to take for this
just some kind of way - any way to cure me of this
a way to allow the memories to fade enough
But
I know that the
Two Steps Forward
bring me closer to the end
And the
one step back
allow me to learn the lesson
And
one day
without pills
group therapy
phone calls
or roller coasters
Time
will heal all things
will heal me
And I'll simply look forward
and I will not look back

Petals©

"Petals" is a short poem that I wrote early on. I was wallowing one weekend in bitterness, pain and a sprinkling of self-pity all mixed together, when I decided to focus on creating words to describe my tears, rather than continue to cry. My tears at that paticular time were falling softly, and as I was thinking of words, flower petals came to mind. I was thinking of a dying flower, and how the petals begin to fall as it's life is ending. It just seemed like the perfect word....

Petals
That's what my tears are like
softly
falling all around me
Petals
That blow in the wind
softly
gently
Petals
Tears nourished by
pain
loss
Tears that gently wash my
cleanse me
drench my body
Petals
I am awash in their
fragrance
taste
But
One Day
A new love will bloom for me
And I'll be a new flower
With fresh petals
That will remain in full bloom
~With the promise of water to keep me alive in love
~With the promise of soil to retain me in love
~With roots to keep me grounded in love
My petals will never fade
never fall
never feel like
Tears....

It's Not You....©

"It's not you, it's me"...have you ever heard this words, or better yet, have they ever crossed your lips? I've heard this line a time or two, and I realize that you are never prepared for those five simple words. It's just another way of ending things right; a seemingly more gentle way of softening the blow. Ease the burden of bad news. We never want to be perceived as the bad guy, especially when that other person has done nothing seriously to cause such a departure.

Here's the crazy thing about those words people - it is about you! Of course it is. What I believe is that the person who is sharing this information has looked into their crystal ball of life and they didn't see how you fit in their future. So it is about you ~ because it's not you. So simple. That was a revelation that came to me as I was writing this poem. And it's a more honest reflection of what is really happening. It's okay to decide that someone is not for you. But it's more honest to simply be willing to be honest. It helps put a real closure to things, and it helps that person to be better equipped going forward. Because often, they are left to wonder what it was that they did wrong. When it has nothing to do with being wrong or right. It just wasn't.

So take solace in the fact that yep, it's you, but know that it will always be about you - you just have to find the person who is willing to have it be about you AND that you are okay as is. No fillers or preservatives necessary. Just plain, old natural you will do......



It's Not You
It's Me
A simple phrase
common
The question I want to ask
How does it ease my pain?
my heart still feels the same ~ still hurts
It's Not You
It's Me
Oh right
They are supposed to comfort
So that I don't self reflect
beat myself up
somehow feel better
But it still hurts
It's Not You
It's Me
Why would I feel better?
You're still not here
I'll be alone
try thinking
put yourself in my shoes
Now do these words ring true - to you?
It's Not You
It's Me
This is such bullshit
It really is
Because if it wasn't me
wasn't some part of me
You would stay
You wouldn't leave
It's Not You
It's Me
I watch you
tear us apart
choose to leave
Instead of choosing me
and my heart breaks
I feel it shatter yet again
It's Not....
The Same
doesn't matter how you sugar coat it
It's Not...
The Pain
I don't have any tears this time
It's Not...
For Me
to try and understand
It's Not You
It's Not Me
It's Over
Just Over...

Touch Me©

I often compare the intimate act of loving someone to art. The expression of loving is as unique as a painting, sculpture or piece of music. When it's good, it's so very good, and when it's bad....But even that critique is based on the opinion and life experience of the individual. In this piece, you'll see that thought process played out. Enjoy....

Skin so soft
Lips so devine
body, ummmm
there are no words to describe
Touch me
Caress me softly
speak to my spirit
press your heart to mine
Baby, touch me
My desire for you is increasing
let me wrap my long legs around you
drink all of me that you desire
my cup runneth over
Touch me
I am your masterpiece
use your artistic talent
write of me
sing of me
paint all over me
Baby, touch me
Gaze upon me
engulf me with your love flames
consume all of me
taste all of me
Touch me
Use me
take all of me
empty me
have your way with me
Baby, touch me
tease me
please me
Baby
love me.....

Bitter Pill©

I started writing in order to cleanse myself of the emotional feelings I was having about relationships. I felt - and still feel, that doing this keeps me grounded in some way. I so believe in the "happily ever after" of love. I cling to that thought on a daily basis. I know - love is often ugly. But part of me feels so deeply that we have to keep our arms and hearts open to truly receive love. And personally, I would rather be dreaming positively about love, than swallowing the bitter pill of love lost and won and lost yet again. I figure, you're expending energy whether choosing bitterness or optimism, and I choose the later thank you very much. Love and loving gives us such craziness when we're in a relationship no doubt. But what else is there? Hey, I would rather be on the crazy hampster wheel and loving and fighting for love, so I'm just going to keep hope alive as I live and breathe!

I wrote "Bitter" as a continuing tribute to my purging process. A personal pledge to cleanse all that is bad so that I can remain open to all that is good. Let me say one final thing to you - I understand that loving and losing hurts. And it hurts so very deeply. I understand that. But I want you to focus on the bigger picture - and that is that there is power even in your pain. My pain. Because once you have healed, you are come out on the other side so much better. Here is a place for you to cry, embrace and purge yourself of that pain and longing and whatever else you have going on inside right now. I'm just capturing the words to help you through the process. But don't think I am so caught up in my ever after, that I don't undertand. My hope when you're done with this poem, is that you too, are cleansed....

Wash the pain away
cleanse me of all my pain and anger
leave me with - hope
clarity
joy
Don't allow me to wallow in this space
I acknowledge that I am hurt
I acknowledge that I am still in love
I acknowledge that I have been rocked
my core
aches
Don't allow me to wallow in this space
I write to soothe
heal
purge
the tiny fissures of my heart
I write to soothe
Don't allow me to wallow in this space
They say time heals all wounds
but time
speeds slowly
and my wounds
hurt daily
Don't allow me to wallow in this space
I want to
love again
believe that it is real
I want to
win at love - please
Don't allow me to wallow in this space
So I write to soothe
heal
purge
and most important
to avoid the bitter pill
that comes from dwelling in the dark space
I refuse
To allow me to wallow in this space......

Water©

I wrote "Water" after enjoying a long bubble bath one day. Love when there's a connection feels so fluid. I always say that love should feel effortless. I am not so caught up in dreams not to know that love is also hard work. I do understand that it's not always easy. There are two people, with a multitude of emotions so it can't always be easy. But at it's core, it feels easy; simple. As you read this, think about what love feels like to you....

My love flows like water
cleansing me
enveloping me safely in a cocoon
of comfort
of trust
I run my hands through it
feel the silkiness of it
I splash it across my face
and let it flow across my body
tiny drops like tears cling here and there
it flows
down my shoulders
longing to be kissed
down my breasts
which behind them beats my loving heart
down my legs
which stores a loving treasure
I close my eyes to feel it washing me
over and over
It feels so smooth and warm
My love flows like water
warm and inviting
that's when our love feels good
icy and cold
that's when I feel fear and uncertainty
My love flows like water
I thirst for it
like I thirst for more of you
My love flows like water
drench me
pour yourself upon me
like pure rain
shower me all over
with tender kisses
My love flows like water
I feel it's ebb and flow
I feel loved
I am loved
I love you

The Nice Guy©

This poem really needs no introduction. The words speak volumes on their own. I love the message of it. Don't let the title fool you - this is a valid message whether you are a man or woman.....



It's always wonderful in the beginning
that initial attraction
that spark
your heart tingles with anticipation
weren't you just praying about this?
talking to your girl about someone like this?
The One, The Nice Guy

You exchange information
you wait all day for that first call
you share heartfelt stories
reveal all the things you've longed to say
you tip all your cards
show him your love wish list
The One, The Nice Guy

He says all the right things
says he's the one for you
let's you know he'll dedicate his love to you
you start to blossom in his love
your skin starts to glow in his love
you talk about him with your friends
The One, The Nice Guy

The months start to fly by
there are endless phone calls, texts
you blush when you talk about him
there are romantic dinners
you believe in his love
yes you've made love
The One, The Nice Guy

One day, out of the blue
it all starts to unravel
you cry out to him, beg him
try to make sense of it all
but he's a different man
not the one you love
The One, The Nice Guy

The One, The Nice Guy
was it all a lie, or a bad dream?
or did you simply miss the signs?
we turn a blind eye to all the unpretty
or show our cards too soon
we give away the roadmap to our hearts
but ~ if you had simply waited
The One, The Nice Guy

If he's real, if he's the one for you
the love will be so simple
you won't have to try
so do yourself a favor
be true to who you are FIRST
be clear about who you are first
So that the one, the nice guy

When he appears
you are ready
take the time now to get ready!
Love you
decide if you would even date you
stop pointing the finger
and take a long, hard look in your mirror
So that the one, the nice guy

You are ready for him!
Be the one your desire FIRST
And let God do the rest.....

I Rise©

There's something so magical, so empowering about coming out of the depths of dispair. While you are suffering, the pain is so tremendous, that you feel as if there will never be any daylight. And then one day, you are okay. It may be because a new guy has smiled at you, or you finally went out on a great date. Sometimes it's just the subtle feeling of knowing - knowing that you've moved on. And in that moment, whatever the reason, things look better - you feel better - food tastes better. It may not be where you are right now, but just know that it will get better. And you too shall rise....



I Rise
From the depths of my dispair
I open my windows wide
to receive the warm sunshine
my laughter floats on the air
like a gentle breeze
I Rise
From the ashes of discontent
there are no more dark clouds
no more self drama
I've shed my last tears
I am washed; Made whole and complete
I Rise
A black queen
strong and determined
regal, beautiful
I embrace all of who I am
rejoice in my splendor and glory
I Rise
This is a brand new day
there's always a beautiful rainbow
after a storm
and now that my storm has passed
I can see my glorious rainbow
And I Rise
Happy, healthy and strong
And I Rise
Joyful, ready for the world
And I Rise
A complete woman
Ready for a complete man
I Rise
I Rise
I Rise

My Dream©

Next to reading, one of my favorite things to do is dream. I love both, because they expand my possibilities. Many great ideas have sprung forth from my dreams. There are many nights that I am sleeping, and a string of thoughts or an entire poem have come from my dreams. I find myself writing many of the things I dream about, because they are things that I want to attract to my life. A friend of mine asked me to write a deserve list. It's been very difficult for me to attain - or in some cases keep - certain successes in my life because I haven't always felt that I deserved it. By doing this list, it helps me to affirm the things that I want in my life - and most importantly, that I deserve to have in my life. I wrote "My Dream" long before I did a list, but it too defines the kind of man that I want in my life - again, that I deserve to have in my life.
What are you longing for in your life? Do you dream about anything? What are you doing to affirm what you want in your life? Do you feel you deserve it? You do deserve it. That is the thing you must know - you deserve it. And you deserve to have the love you want as well. It's not for just your friend or your brother, or your gorgeous co-worker who seems to always have a new man. You deserve it as well. Think about this as you read this poem, and then get out a sheet of paper and write your deserve list. Be bold about it, because guess what? You deserve it!


Closing my eyes
I dream about my prince charming
I dream of
strong arms to hold me tight
and shield me from the pain in this world
wonderful lips to kiss me passionately
and whisper endless love and life plans
a chest to lie on and ease my pain
shoulders to lift my spirits
skin like chocolate or caramel
a voice silky and confident
I'm dreaming of a man
a man's man
not a male
A man that I can dream with
cry and laugh with
a man I can love and trust
a man who gets me for who I am now, and who I will become
a man who can see past the worst of me, down to my spirit
a man who will stand his ground and cherish me
I'm dreaming of a man
I'm dreaming of you
of you
of you
I'm dreaming of you

Irresistible©

I love the Lakers, and I usually watch the pre-game show. Not for statistical information, or who will play tonight. Nope, I watch because Rick Fox was added to the show this season. I've had a crush on that man since his days at North Carolina. When he's on the screen I just sit grinning from ear to ear. He is what I call an irresistible man. I do the same thing with Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington. This list can go on and on, but you get the idea. He doesn't have to be a mega star though. I've found men in my everyday life who make me feel the same way. You know, they flash that super sexy smile of theirs, and you just go all gooey inside. Or they open their mouths and you have no idea what they said, you're too caught up in looking at them. Yep, irresistible...



He is...simply irresistible
A voice deep as the ocean
Skin rich as chocolate
Arms so strong and reassuring
And lips
so, so luscious
His kisses leave me breathless
Panting with desire
I try to resist - my mind says no
But my heart says yes
~yes to his invitation to love him
~yes to his desires to have me in his life
~yes to his protection from all the troubles of this world
~yes to his loving me forever
He is...simply irresistible
Sleepy, sultry eyes
that dance with a wicked twinkle
Hands that are soft to the touch
yet strong and expressive
His killer smile
always leaves me breathless
I try to resist - my mind says no
But my heart will always say yes
~yes I accept his invitation to love
~yes I desire him just as much
~yes I will allow him to be my protector
~yes I will love him forever
He is...simply irresistible
I am
haunted by him
I am
addicted to him
I
Love him.....

Pain©

I wrote "Pain" during a very difficult time in my life. It was a time when I was actually experiencing a very bad break up. I truly felt at that time that my heart had been broken in a million pieces, and I didn't think I would ever recover. It's still something I am healing from. It was actually this situation that sparked my writing in the first place. I had been crying and hurting for days. I would sit and stare out my window, or blankly watch television. Nothing seemed to help, until I decided to simply embrace what I was feeling, and put it into words. The words were what I was feeling. I did not sit and think about what I was going to say that day. I just let it pour from my heart. It truly felt like my heart was bleeding as I typed each line of the poem. So what you will read here is raw, but real.

A letter falls softly to the floor
It tells of a lover gone away
I watch the light flicker
And dance across my room
As I sit embraced by silence
This is my pain
I sit amongst the aftermath of another love war
A battle that I have lost
I am deeply wounded with cuts
Cuts that run so deep
Wounded by my lost love
This is my pain
The bleeding I can't control
The wounds are far too many
wounds from
anger and hurt
frustration and disappointments
This is my pain
With age comes wisdom
But with pain comes
~ pain
The blood flows from my heart
spills onto my skin
This is my pain
I left myself exposed to you
Exposed to the love I felt for you
I let down my guard for you
But love and loving was not enough
And now comes the pain
This is my pain
I wrap myself in it
Nest in a cocoon of it
Drink to feel the taste of it
Embrace it like a long lost friend
My blood now flows onto the floor
This is my pain
And now my tears began to fall
Washing over the whole of me
Washing the pain and blood from me
Working to renew and restore me
I feel revived
This
was
my
pain

Crush©

"Crush" is a piece I wrote early on in my writing experience. I didn't actually have a crush at the time. I had so many feelings running through me that day - fear that I would be alone all my life, frustration over another failed relationship, anger because I was hurting so much, longing and ache because I still loved him. It was so overwhelming. Have you ever been so overwhelmed by the emotions of a situation that you feel like they are going to consume you forever? If you're in a happy moment in your life, this will read as dramatic, but if you're going through it, this resonates does it not? Exactly. So I decided to allow myself to try and find words to capture what I was feeling - no matter how crazy it was. And on this day, I was sitting thinking about liking someone, but they don't know. And how it feels to long for that person, and you are invisible. They don't even know you - never glance your way. Oh I've had this experience. I was in the 7th grade; super skinny, glasses, acne. He was a confident, gorgeous 9th grader. He had an afro that never had a hair out of place, and great white teeth (I still love that in a man - the teeth, not the afro!) Everyone loved him. And so did I. I sat behind him in a music class, and would watch, mesmorized as he stepped into the class to take his seat. He only looked at me once, near the end of the semester. Just turned and smiled for a split second. I melted. That's what I was thinking about, when I wrote "Crush". Who was your secret crush?

I have a secret crush
he walks by me everyday
I
Smell the scent of him
it lingers long after he's gone
He
Does not know how
I watch his expressive hands
I
Long to feel his touch
wrap myself in his arns
He
Doesn't even see me
as I watch him everyday
I
Fail to say a single word
to reach out to him
He
Doesn't know
Doesn't know
I
Have a secret crush

Sensual Feelings©

I love the warm and fuzzy feelings that come from good love - and loving. How many times have you been so satisfied by love...you take a hot bath, rub yourself down in some essential oils, lay down on your bed, and let out a sigh as you think of him - or her. Your body still tingles after the wonderful connection shared between you and your lover. You almost want to purr....think of that sultry moment as you read this...

I am lost in my sensual feelings of you
as I lie on my bed naked, still damp from the sweat of you
I allow my thoughts to drift
the memory is as fresh as the scent of you that lingers on my skin
I trace my fingers across my body
across my full brown thighs, luscious belly, warm breasts, smooth shoulders
tracing the places your tongue explored
I am lost in my sensual feelings for you
I touch the lips you kissed, feel your warm breath on my neck
still warm from the kisses you left behind
I touch the space you just left
it is still warm from your body
I am lost in my sensual feelings for you
I am lost in you
mesmorized by your touch, your tongue, your love
I am found in you
hypnotized by your love
your sweetness
your manliness
you
I am lost in my sensual feelings for you...

Letting Go©

Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I realize that love does not always feel good. Sometimes, we have to deal with a little bit of pain. Okay, a lot of pain. But I embrace the dark days just as much as the lighter days, because as I've said before, there is a lesson in everything. When I was writing "Letting Go", I was listening to a girlfriend who was talking about the torture of getting a lost love out of her system. I thought about the many things I've done to purge myself of a lost love, and I realized that it's not an easy task. We resort to many things - getting back out there and dating right away, trying to reconcile with the person, drinking, crying, talking to friends. Some remedies are healthier than others. Crying to a friend is a bit better than eating a pint of ice cream. But sometimes, a pint of whatever just feels pretty darn good! That, or a plate of french fries. lol
The power in "Letting Go" is not in what you're doing, but in the end, feeling so empowered that you have let go. That you have mourned the loss and are now willing to move forward. Healing for each of us happens in it's own time and way. But just know that just as you feel bad, and it hurts, it will one day feel better....

One day it won't matter
the letters, pictures
saved messages
the memories
you won't want to pick up the phone and call him
or hold the phone close, waiting/hoping he'll call
all the hoping will be gone
this is the process of
Letting Go
One day, you'll stop the self pity
questioning the why, how and what
why did he leave
how could he leave
what could you have done differently?
one day you'll be able to look forward
you won't even check your rearview mirror
this is the process of
Letting Go
How do you turn that corner
and erase all the pain
the pain is the hardest thing
it lingers day and night
no amount of tears, or sleep or talking seems to help
but time, somehow diminishes it
and listening to your heart helps
this is the process of
Letting Go
And then one day, something happens
and he becomes a distant memory
a memory that doesn't hold feeling
and you smile again
and hope again
and quite possibly
love again
this is the process of
Letting Go
Go through the process of letting go
embrace it
be willing to learn the lesson
because it's in the learning
you will find your strength

Let go!
and know that you are strong
Let go!
Because there's nothing to be gained
by holding on
Let go!
Because there is better
you are better
this is the process of
Letting Go......

I Am©

My thinking as I wrote "I Am", was the complete submission to the man that I desire - no holds barred, stripped down, this is all me - love of another person. As I refine who I am, and who I desire in my life, I find that I am more about being completely honest with myself, and whoever I find myself involved with. I spent so much time in my life, trying to be perfect. But in one bright light bulb moment, exhausted from the weight and stress of it all, I realized that I'm not. I am who I am - mistakes and imperfections. In taking down that shield, I felt such a rush of relief. The fear had always been, if I showed someone who I really was, would they like me, or want to work with me, or even love me. I never considered the opposite thought - what if I showed who I am, and they did? Or better yet, why should it matter? If I am not liked or loved, it may be less to do with me, and more to do with that person.

Now that I look to live authentically, I hope that I will attract that as well. I am now free to be simply - me! "I Am" can almost be considered a pledge. As you read it, I want you to think about what you would be willing to pledge to your love....



I Am
all yours
I give of myself freely
unlock all my hidden desires
I willingly submit to your heart's fire

I Am
all yours
I've broken down the walls
that divide my love
Conquered all the demons that lurked inside
released all my treasures

I Am
all yours
Allow me to love you
see every part of you
let us hide nothing from one another
see me as I am

I Am
all yours
Let's share our love and loving
melt our hearts together
take my hands
choose to love me

I Am
all yours
Let us always affirm one another
confirm one another
be at peace with one another
let patience and wisdom be our guide

I Am
all yours
I'll take my time loving you
like a loving artist
I'm willing to grow and evolve
always open my heart and mind in order to live our love's story

I Am
all yours
And as father times passes
and our courtship is more defined
as our love begins to ripen
I pray
That one day
You are
All Mine

Here We Are©

The back and forth of love. Sometimes, in trying to resolve your feelings for a lost love, you end up going backwards a bit, in order to try and recapture what once was. You hope that somehow, in allowing an ex back into your life, the relationship will rekindle, and get back on track. But that is your thought. She's thinking, you guys are just friends, while you want more - what it was. So you chat on the phone, maybe hang out, all in an attempt to work things out. Well, sometimes it works, but sometimes, you look up and here you are.....

Here We Are
Suspended in time
I want what we had
the love, the loving
You
you want something less
Friends
Here We Are

How can we go backwards
when we've been so far forward
when we've been so much more
Lovers
I want so much more
Time
Here We Are

I miss the you and I
I miss the we
the us
the passion of what we had
how can we go back to
less?
Here We Are

So we do this dance
I cling to meaningless conversations
that lead to nothing
but more longing
each time, I promise myself
no more
Yet, Here We Are

But one day
I'll get a call and it won't matter
because somehow, someday
the memory of us
will have faded away
in the meantime
Here We Are.....

Wow©

Sometimes, when love is so very good, we use simple phrases to describe just how good it is. This time, I'm going to let the work speak for itself...it's summed up in just one word..."Wow"

I am entralled by you
you ignite my erotic senses
I am captivated by your love
imprisoned by your passions
Wow

I can't seem to shake the thought of you
I think about you all the time
your touch is imprinted on my body
my desires rise at the very mention of your name
Wow

I want to be with you always
feel you always
I miss you when you are gone
want more of you when you are near
Wow

Is what spills from my lips
as we converge in a lover's high
it is also what spills from my lips softly
as I drift off to slumber and release a sigh
Wow

I am addicted to your very essence
your dna has merged with mine
a lover's spell has been cast upon me
I have placed my heart in thine

Simple Love©

I love spending time in reflection, because this is the time I can use to refine things about my life, and the way I love and want to be loved. I believe that the more you know and understand about yourself - embracing who you are first as a person, and loving yourself - the more you have to share with a lover. Since I am a firm beleiver in like attracting like, it's imperative to me to get myself right, so that I attract exactly what I want. In this vein, I was sitting one day, thinking about love, and the word simple came to mind. And once I coupled the words simple and love together on a piece of paper, "Simple Love" sprang to life. What kind of love do you dream of?



A simple love
That's what I long for
a pure love
uncomplicated
based on patience and trust
a love that is so familiar
A Simple Love

I want you
want to be around you
press my breasts to your back each night
watch a good movie
or share a late breakfast
A Simple Love

That's what I dream about
a love that sees me with no make-up ~ love
shares the Sunday newspaper ~ love
feeds me chicken soup when I'm sick ~ love
argues, says I'm sorry and we make up ~ love
A Simple Love

Are you a simple guy?
are you willing to let me see you cry?
I need you to strip down
show your naked emotional insides
show me who you really are
A Simple Love

Because a simple love
can only be
when our egos are stripped bare
and we're both willing to see
all the good, bad and ugly
and all that's in-between
and all that's left
is not
you
or me
But we....
I want to love you
Pure and Simple

Cast My Troubles Away©

Sometimes when we are mourning the loss of love, the burden of the pain seems so enormous. You've tried crying, writing, sleeping, talking...nothing seems to help. Sometimes you require a higher power to ease your burdens. That is what I was thinking, as I wrote this piece....And I thought it would be a perfect piece to introduce on a Sunday afternoon.

My life is like a ship
rolling across the ocean
feeling the ups and downs
sailing across troubled waters
Lord, Cast My Troubles Away

Feeling the burden of my heavy heart
tears flowing like rain
waters rise
a storm is brewing
Lord, Cast My Troubles Away

My spirit is deeply wounded
I toss out my net
trying to catch my happiness
but the net overflows with other things
Lord, Cast My Troubles Away

The waters rise higher and higher
wash across my ship of life
I cling to what I can
try to hold on and ignore the strife
Lord, Cast My Troubles Away

Cast my troubles
Lord cast them all away
I can only cling to your promises
And hope for another day

I need a day of sunshine
Long to feel warmth on my face
Lord I'll wait for your direction
Wait for your peace and grace

Restless©

Ahh, the dating game. It's certainly an interesting experience. There are good dates, horrible ones and really, really great ones. But what happens when you vibe with someone really well and start to hang out and really get to know one another. It's that initial, what's going to happen next feeling that drives me crazy. I have gotten so used to my DVR at home, that I sometimes wish I could just fast forward through everything and get to the really good parts, like are we going to stay together? Who leaves whom? Am I relieved or does it hurt?? In other words, I'm restless....

I am scared of this moment
the in-between stage
after you've met
gone out on several dates
hung out just because
where do we go from here?
Restless
This is where I wish
I could hit the fast forward button
or look at the last page in the book
or maybe just a peek inside his mind
just a small glimpse to know
does he really like me?
Restless
His kisses taste so sweet
I love the way our bodies align
love the way his hand fits in mine
it's too early to say I Love You
yet obvious I'm mad about you
I am truly perplexed on what to do!
Restless
So I have to continue on
enjoying the good times between you and I
but it may not be meant to be
hoping for the best
in this in-between stage
i'll just have to be patient and wait to see
Restless
I'll simply enjoy each moment
share laughs
tender kisses
and hope we'll keep moving forward
continuing in our growth together
i'll open my heart just a tiny bit more
and release
being
restless....

Addicted©

Sometimes, love can feel so crazy good. When love is good, you think about, talk about, dream about your lover. Your skin glows. This is the place that I love. It's like eating a great piece of chocoloate - you savor the taste, touch and flavor of it. And when it's gone, when you taken the last bite, it still lingers on your tongue. When love is good, it stays on your mind....


I am addicted to your love
feel conflicted by your love
feel oh so inspired by your love
Addicted
I’m in need of a fix of you
your loving sends me floating on a high
I can’t get enough of loving you
Addicted
I’m transformed when I’m near you
my body aches to be with you
your touch ignites my passion’s fire
Addicted
I sit transfixed, thinking, waiting
the very thought of you sends shivers
the scent of you lingers
Addicted
I could indulge in you morning, noon and night
the sound of your voice sends me over the edge
my desire for you has my heart open wide
Addicted
You are imprinted on my soul
I have an insatiable desire for you
only your love can satisfy me
Addicted
Please come and quench my thirst
Rain your love down on me
Let me drink all that I desire
Fill me
Complete me
Share yourself with me
You are my drug of choice

Eyes Wide Open©

I wrote this poem one after one of my many musings over love received and lost. Have you ever been caught off guard by love? When you meet, and fall in love with someone so unexpected – your great friend of many years, the cute clerk you say hi to everyday, or that scruffy girl or guy who has suddenly had a make-over. Unexpected love can feel a bit like stepping into the ring and being hit by the heavyweight champion! It can be dizzily delicious, intoxicating, and sultry. Oh, but sometimes the reality of it – whether it stays or goes, it truly opens your eyes…..

Love caught me off guard
hit me with a right hook that I never saw coming
I
Fell madly, deeply
crazy in love with you
I
Tried to gain my balance
but I was lost in a hazy pool of lust
I
Opened my eyes to focus
but it was too late
I
Was madly, deeply
crazy in love with you
I
Grabbed the ropes to gain my balance
reaching out to touch the very essence of you
I
Was hit with the power of your love
so crazy in love
And then
you
were
gone...
Eyes wide open,
you were gone...
I love you
I loved you
I love you

My Comfort©

Love feels so good. And when it feels right, it feels like our favorite go to dress or shirt. You know, like the killer black dress we wear when we need to make a statement, (To make an ex or current lover say "Wow" - usually an ex!) or the power suit you wear when you need to make a great impression. We seek comfort things when we need reassurance of something - it can be food, people, things. But when the loving of two people is good, it's like rolling all of your favorite things into one. Everything feels just so yummy. That's what was on my mind when I wrote "Comfort"...



He slides his hands around my waist
looks deep inside my soul
our lips touch
He is my Comfort

I wrap my arms around him
he slides his tongue down my neck
touches the places he knows I like best
He is my Comfort

My heart begins to race wildly
I arch my back
our breathing quickens
He is my Comfort

He whispers lovingly in my ear
whispers oh so softly
all the words I love to hear
He is my Comfort

We move swiftly to the bed
bodies in perfect sync
we do the dance that lovers do
He is my Comfort

Our kissing becomes more urgent
our hands lock
and I softly moan his name
He is my Comfort

We
Reach
Higher
And
Higher
And
Higher
Bodies locked in a sweaty trance
He is my Comfort

As we float gently back down to earth
he kisses me softly
and we lay quietly in our own sweet thoughts
He is my Comfort

He slides his hands around my waist
I nestle in his wonderful arms
listening to the beating of his heart
And I know
He is my Comfort

He is my love....

Broken Wings©

Love. When it's good, it awesome right? But when it's bad, when you are down in the valley crying, hurting, you feel broken. That's where I was actually when I began to write. I needed to purge from feeling this crazy, nonsense I was feeling. I truly felt like my wings had been broken, and I needed a way to express it so that I could shed it. I was done with crying about it and talking to my friends. And when I wrote that one line - my fingers did fly. And when I was done, this was the result.....

Tears stain my face
streaking the make-up I so carefully applied
I wish the day would somehow end
but it's only morning
I feel the burden of sadness
~I feel my broken wings
I'm tired
tired of the lies
tired of empty promises
tired of the tears
tired of my own sadness
~I feel my broken wings
Sitting here in my sanctuary, protected from all
the hurt
the pain
the disappointment
~I feel my broken wings
I'm tired
tired of talking about it to my friends
tired of thinking about it with myself
tired of the feeling
~I feel my broken wings
So I write about it
instead of crying about it
instead of talking about it
shouting to the darkness about it
~I feel my broken wings
Tears fall as my fingers fly
fly beyond the pain
fly beyond the frustration
they fly, they fly, fly
~Ifeel the weight of it all for just a moment
just a moment~
I feel the weight of grief
feel the weight of sorrow
feel the weight of hopelessness
I am empty
~I feel my broken wings
closing my eyes
I see the light
enveloping me
warming me
showing me
and finally
~I
See my wings
new
fresh
free
I press my fingers together for a moment
and I praise the heavens for this perfect vision
And
I
feel
free....